The Desert Snorkeler needs only a small army entrenching tool, an
ordinary garden hose and keen eyes for those little holes in the ground created by
burrowing animals.
Once an entry hole has been located, the Desert Snorkeler aggressively
begin tunneling. The garden hose trails along behind as a means of obtaining air from the
surface above.
It is imperative that the smallest possible tunnel be made in this
process. The Snorkeler is to only fit uncomfortably into the opening. THIS IS NOT OPEN
TRENCHING! The goal is a tight, effective small bore tunnel.
In competition, points are awarded for the minimal opening size in
addition to the speed in which the competitors can reach the animal's center lair.
At no time in the event may the burrowing animal be harmed. The
competition is not considered complete until the host animal has been fed and relocated to
a suitable burrow, often constructed prior to the start of competition.
Snake bites to the face and other potential animal attacks are often
mitigated through the use of protective clothing, such as kevlar body armor. In deference
and respect for the origins of the sport, however, no modern digging equipment is
permitted. True purveyors of the sport actually dig only with their hands.
Desert Snorkeling has been outlawed in most US states and in the
majority of the countries within the United Nations charter. It is currently practiced by
a clandestine few who must preserve their anonymity to avoid prosecution.
Animal rights activists have mounted well-financed lobbying efforts
against the sport. Politicians have found the ban on Desert Snorkeling an easy compromise
to offer these activists, often using it as a ploy to defer attention away from the more
nefarious activities of the corporate environmental rapists who regularly finance a broad
range of PAC's and slush fund opportunities for their political offspring.
In the cold light of Truth, Desert Snorkeling remains at its heart a
simple sport of humane compassion and adrenaline pumping activity. That it has become a
political pawn on the global stage is indeed a sad commentary on the close of this
millenium.